Legally Ballistic
by cheezmunky
Summary: Harm and Mac investigate the death of an aquaintance.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Legally Ballistic  
  
Author: cheesmunkee  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Pairing: Harm/Mac  
  
Category: Drama/Angst/Humor/Crossover  
  
Crossover: CSI  
  
Spoilers: Dunno, lol  
  
Warning: Mild language, innuendo  
  
Disclaimer: If JAG belonged to me or any other H/M shipper, Webb would be nowhere near Mac. That weasel would be dead.  
  
Feedback: Praise me, flame me, drive me crazy. There's not much left to corrupt anyways.   
  
Archive: Just lemme know.  
  
Summary: Harm and Mac go to Vegas to investigate the death of a colleague.  
  
AN: I know that usually NCIS would handle this, but I'm more familiar with CSI right now. I'll make it an NCIS/JAG one later. You don't like it? I don't care.  
  
***************************************************  
  
***************************************************  
  
JAG Headquarters  
  
Falls Church, Virginia  
  
0500 Zulu  
  
"D*** rain", she muttered as she walked through the doors of JAG Headquarters.  
  
"Good mornin' Mac", Harm smiled cheerfully.  
  
"Yeah.Just peachy", she replied sarcastically.  
  
"What's up Mac? You alright?"  
  
"Harm, look at me. Do I look alright?"  
  
"I-"  
  
"I look like a drowned rat."  
  
"I wouldn't-"  
  
"You wouldn't what? Huh?", she demanded.  
  
"I-"  
  
"First off," she interrupted,"the lightening fried the circuits in my apartment. Directly after my freezing cold shower due to a screwed up H2O heater!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Whaddya mean 'Oh'? That's not all! Apparently my gas tank was leaking, so I had to walk a mile in the rain to get here. And since you're here, I'd say I'm late."  
  
"Uh-"  
  
"43 minutes worth of late.", she groaned. "The Admiral's gonna kill me."  
  
"Mac-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're blouse."  
  
"What about my bl-" she began as she looked down at her shirt, which just happened to have the top 2 buttons undone.  
  
"S***! Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I couldn't get a word in while you were ranting at me."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Oh, what?", said a deep voice from behind them.  
  
"Oh, nothing, sir", they stuttered.  
  
"I want to see you two in my office in 15 minutes."  
  
"Aye, sir"  
  
"Colonel."  
  
"Yessir."  
  
"You look like h***."  
  
"Uh, thank you sir?."  
  
"What do you think he wants?"  
  
"I dunno Harm. Shot up any ceilings this morning?" Mac teased.  
  
"Cute, Colonel."  
  
"I know I am," she replied cheekily.  
  
"So, are you going to clean up before we go in?"  
  
"Probably should, shouldn't I?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Hey. You're not supposed to agree with me."  
  
"Better hurry, or you'll be late," he called as he walked to his office.  
  
-************************5 minutes later************************************-  
  
"Colonel Mackenzie and Commander Rabb to see you sir."  
  
"Thanks Tiner. Send them in."  
  
"Aye, sir."  
  
Harm and Mac walked in and stood at attention.  
  
"Have a seat."  
  
Admiral Chegwidden removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose while they sat down.  
  
"Your next assignment, is investigating Commander Lindsey's death."  
  
Mac glanced at Harm. "Excuse me, sir?" she interjected.  
  
"Commander Lindsey was found in a Las Vegas casino. He had his testicles ripped out."  
  
Harm winced.  
  
"I want you two out there to investigate." 


	2. Baggage and beds

**Dulles Intermational Airport**  
  
0900 Zulu  
  
Flight 36A  
  
Seats 12A and 12B  
  
"Did you remember your pajamas this time?"  
  
"Yes. I had time to pack." Mac grinned, pulling out her walkman.  
  
Harm put on a mock hurt expression. "You don't want to talk to me?"  
  
"Huh? Oh. I'm gonna relax for a while."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Can't hear you." she teased.  
  
"What are you listening to?" Harm enunciated.  
  
"The Last High."  
  
Harm snorted. "Go figure."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
**********************************  
  
**Las Vegas Airport**  
  
fill  
  
in   
  
l8r  
  
Baggage Claim  
  
"D*****! Harm, could you grab my other bag please? I missed it."  
  
"It's because you're so short. Got it."  
  
Mac balked. "I'm 5'10 thank ou very much. Ahh!"  
  
A man apparently in a rush knocked Harm and Mac against the wall.  
  
"I still have 6 inches on you." Harm grinned.  
  
"Would ya mind getting your '6 inches' off of me?"  
  
Harms eyes widened. "Huh?! I'm so- Ha ha. Funny Colonel."  
  
"And they say payback's a b****."  
  
"A b**** for whom is the question. Okay, let's get going. Autopsy tonight."  
  
"Ooh. Don't let me forget the popcorn."  
  
"Alllllright. If you say so."  
  
Mac burst through the turnstyle door. "So, where's our car?"  
  
"That one right there." Harm pointed to a dark green mustang convertible."  
  
"Sweet! When did the Navy start issuing those?"  
  
"They didn't. The rental agency issued our car to someone else, so we get this one as a consolation prize."  
  
"But why didn't we get a navy car?"  
  
"You always have to look the gift horse in the mouth?"  
  
"Just wondering."  
  
"The admiral wanted us to blend in with the tourists."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"CSI is doing an open investigation. We're going to find out in...other ways."  
  
"CSI? Why isn't NCIS handling this? This is a military case."  
  
"Aren't you inquisitive today?"  
  
Mac gave Harm a look.  
  
"NCIS is 'otherwise occupied'. It's on a need to know basis, and before you ask, they didn't feel that I needed to know."  
  
"Alright."  
  
Harm pulled into a large hotel parking lot.  
  
"Is this where we're staying?" Mac asked incredulously.  
  
"Yep. This is the scene of the crime. We have the room across from Commander Lindsey's."  
  
"Oh. I almost forgot who we were here for. It's weird. It feels like-"  
  
"Like when Singer died."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Except this bas**** was the one who killed her."  
  
Mac cleared her throat. "Okay, are you ready?"  
  
"Yeah, let's go."  
  
Harm and Mac got out of the car and handed the keys to the valet.  
  
Harm swung open the door. "After you ma'am", he said with a silly grin.  
  
"Why thank you, sir." Mac grinned.  
  
The hotel lobby was filled with sounds of bells ringing and people talking. And through the wide double doors on each side of the check-in was the casino.  
  
"So," Mac said, "where do we start?"  
  
"The autopsy starts at 2000. I-"  
  
"No, I mean WHERE DO WE START? Blackjack, slots, roulette-"  
  
"Mac," Harm began.  
  
"You're right. Roulette's a sucker game. Let's go with blackjack." she nodded in decision.  
  
"Mac." Harms eyes bugged out in insistence.  
  
"Harm?", she smiled sweetly.  
  
"Why don't we check in first?"  
  
"Alright. Then the casino?"  
  
"We'll see."  
  
Harm stepped up to th reservation desk and laid down his visa. Reservation for Harmon Rabb."   
  
The receptionist looked him over.   
  
"One moment please...Room 119, sir. The porter will bring up your luggage." she responded as she handed over their key.   
  
"A keycard!", Mac exclaimed. "I'm sooo happy to see one of these instead of a key. Half the time they don't work, but they're fun to use." Harm just looked at her for a minute. "Mac, are you okay?"  
  
"Sure. Why?"  
  
"You're rambling about keycards."  
  
"I just like 'em, that's all."  
  
"Okay." Harm still looked unconvinced, but they'd arrived at the elevator and were boarding it. When they got to their floor, the porter was already there waiting for them. Harm opened the door and Mac wandered off to check out their room. She called out descriptions from the bedroom while Harm tipped the porter.   
  
"Wow. This place is great. Mini-fridge, jacuzzi tub, great view, one bed, cable-"  
  
"One bed?" Harm interjected.  
  
"Uh, yeah."  
  
"Maybe the couch folds out." He called.  
  
"No. We have a loveseat and a chair. They don't fold out."  
  
"Does the chair RECLINE?" Harm inquired, eyebrows quirked.  
  
"No. We're in a casino Harm." Mac reasoned. "They don't expect us to stay in our room. Besides," she paused, "it's a big bed."  
  
Harms eyebrows shot up to his hairline and his jaw dropped.  
  
"Harm, come check this out. Harm?"  
  
Harm picked his jaw up off the floor.  
  
"Yeah, coming." he managed. 


	3. Frosties and Spit

The bedroom was a pale peach. The deep red curtains complented it and matched the bed spread. The bedframe, night stands, and dresser were all made of cherry.  
  
"Woah."  
  
"Told you it was great." she smiled as she retrieved her bags from the living area and began unpacking. "The bathroom's porcelain. Except for the jade jacuzzi tub and glass shower."  
  
Harm cocked an eyebrow. "You know it's porcelain just by glancing at it?"  
  
"I'm a woman, Harm. I have to know these things. That way, if my boyfriend gets me something fake, I have a head start on kicking his a**."  
  
'Or,' she thought, 'I just saw this place on the Travel Channel.'  
  
Mac chuckled.  
  
"Imagining kicking my six?"Harm inquired.  
  
She grinned. "YOU'RE not my boyfriend. You're my partner."  
  
"Whatever you want to call me, we'll still be sleeping together tonight."  
  
Mac managed to shoot him a VERY dirty look.  
  
"In the same bed," Harm quickly amended.  
  
"By the way, Mac,"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do you always skip the bases and go straight for home?"  
  
That remark earned him a pillow to the head.  
  
"Jerk! I'm-"  
  
"Hungry, I know." He laughed. "You're always hungry."  
  
"Mac smiled nostalgically. "Lunch time."  
  
As they started out the door and toward the elevator, Harm questioned her.  
  
"You already had lunch."  
  
"That was elevencies, thank you very much. I'm on hobbit time now."  
  
"Does that mean we'll be having tea in an hour?"  
  
"Not unless you're drinking it. I usually have a coke and cookies."  
  
Harm gaped in disbelief as they stepped off the elevator.  
  
"How do you stay so skinny eating, EVERYTHING?"  
  
"Fast metabolism,"she grinned. "And leaving you to eat my dust every time we run together."   
  
Harm snorted as he followed her out of the hotel.  
  
As the valet brought the car around, they discussed lunch.  
  
"So, where do you want to eat?"  
  
Mac pointed at a golden arch down the strip. "How 'bout there?"  
  
"McDonald's?!" Harm exclaimed.  
  
"It's no Beltway Burger, but it'll work."  
  
"Alright, but can I say something first?"  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"You're strange."  
  
"Um, thanks Harm." Mac replied as she got into the Mustang.   
  
"Actually, let's go to Wendy's."  
  
"Why the sudden change of heart?"  
  
"Woman's perogative, flyboy. They have better rabbit food."  
  
"Aw Mac, I'm touched."  
  
"And frosties."  
  
"And there's the ulterior motive."  
  
Mac playfully smacked his arm.  
  
"Okay, eat in or drive through?" Harm asked.  
  
"Drive through. I want to check out the casino before dinner and the autopsy."  
  
"Right. What do you want to eat?"  
  
"A frosty."  
  
Harm arched his eyebrows skeptically. "That's all? A frozen chocolate shake?"  
  
"Yeah. I was kidding about the hobbit time."  
  
"Your call."  
  
The restaurant speaker box flashed. "Welcome to Wendy's. May I take your order?"  
  
"Yes ma'am. I'd like a mandarin salad, a large frosty, and two large cokes please."  
  
"$5.79 next window."  
  
Harm drove around and they waited.  
  
"Thanks. May I have another spoon please?"  
  
"Sure." The girl tossed the spoon into the bag. "Have a nice day." she muttered.  
  
Harm began the two minute drive back to their hotel.   
  
"What's the other spoon for," Mac asked.  
  
"The frosty. I wanna try it."  
  
"Alright." Mac rummaged through the bag. "Good thing you asked for a second spoon, 'cuz that's the only one they gave us."  
  
Harm snorted. "Go figure."  
  
"You can use mine. I promise I won't spit in the frosty." 


End file.
